“My 90-year-old mom lived in a care home, and she was losing strength and energy. So I asked her if there’s anything she’d like to do. What do you think she said?”
I was asked this question by Ms. C, the
representative of an organization helping people find Ikigai (meaning and
purposes of life), who also provided support for her mother.
What came to my mind was the image of my
grandfather a few days before he passed away, mumbling “I want to eat eel at the
XX restaurant in Nihonbashi.”
It turned out that Ms. C also expected a
similar response like “I want to eat my favorite XX.”
“But I was wrong. She quietly said, ‘I want
to work’.”
Ms. C told me that such conversations with
her mother had led her to develop a place for people to stay productive as they
age. I nodded in total agreement, but…
This conversation also reminded me of the
words by a participant in an Ikigai class I taught; it was a woman in her late 70s.
She whispered to me: “Well, do we really
need to stay active and energetic? If you put it that way, I kind of feel
pressured and pain.”
At that moment, I realized how
inconsiderate I was, making her life difficult without knowing it.
Being productive or having Ikigai shouldn’t
be just about continuing to work, being a super-volunteer, or serving as a
community leader….
“The way to stay active and energetic can be
different for each person. If you can share a little bit of what you like and enjoy
with people around you, that should be enough.” I explained to the woman like
this, and she went home with a smile…
But since then, I have put even more emphasis
on the diversity of productivity when explaining the concept to people: Being
productive can take many forms, and it doesn’t mean one is better than the
others.
Come to think of it, eating eel may not
have been what my grandfather wanted to do at the end. Perhaps, his last wish
was to take his grandchildren and children to his favorite restaurant and make
them happy.
“I want to share my favorite with my loved
ones.” That may have been the true message in his last words “I want to eat eel
at the XX restaurant in Nihonbashi.”
Now, I do understand my grandfather a
little better.
What if I had been able to read his mind
back then? Would we have had a different conversation? I reflect on what
happened 30 years ago every day.
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Shino Sawaoka
Associate Professor,
Dept. of Health Management,
Tokai University
zt1864@tokai.ac.jp
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