“I don’t like this time of the year because this is when loneliness hits me hardest.”
I remember these words at the end of every
year.
The comment came from Mrs. M, a participant
of a local exercise group. Although Mrs. M isn’t exactly the group leader, she
always lightens up the mood and lets members enjoy the time together.
Being a widow for over a decade, she is now
in her 80s, staying active and participating in various activities in addition
to the exercise group.
I haven’t heard much about her children,
but my impression is that she doesn’t see them too often. Maybe they live far,
or have some issues with her?!
She firmly believes that her friends in the
neighborhood are the ones she can count on in everyday life. It may or may not
be to make up for her family situation, but this is her theory of how she can continue
to live by herself.
Through my research on the power of 100
people, I’ve found the value of building 100 loose and diverse connections
around ourselves. I’ve also found the importance of becoming one of the 100
connections for someone else. To me, Mrs. M is like a role model embodying the
power of 100 people, but…
I was really shocked, to be honest, when
Mrs. M told me about holiday loneliness.
The community space she always visits is
closed, and she hesitates to invite her friends over because they are busy with
their own family events. These contribute to her loneliness.
“When walking around the city, I would be
surrounded by Christmas trees and New Year decorations. When watching TV, I
would see interviews of happy people on the bullet train platform, waiting for
their families to arrive.
“I told myself, ‘Well, I might as well cook
black beans for New Year,’ and I did cook. But as I ate the beans, I realized
that I was alone, and that saddened me,” she said quietly.
It’s true that most of the community spaces
are closed during the New Year holidays as people running activities also have
their families come over.
Out of courtesy as well as a little bit of pride,
not wanting others to know she is all alone, she feels hesitant to call or text
her friends.
The story of Mrs. M got me start thinking
about how to ease a feeling of loneliness during the New Year holidays every
year. After all, this season is supposed to be joyful, isn’t it?
Japan is having more and more people living
alone, and everyone can face this challenge.
The New Year holidays last only for a week
or two. But if you faced them every single year, feeling more signs of aging in
yourself every day, I can only imagine the negative impacts that would pile up
over the years.
It's probably harder for people like Mrs.
M, who became alone as they got older, than for those who have always lived
alone.
In other countries, I heard, some churches
and community centers stay open during the Christmas season, offering places
for people to gather, apparently to help families cut their energy bills, but…
I don't think Mrs. M would go to that kind
of place. She would say that being surrounded by such people wouldn’t be for
her.
I’m yet to find solutions to this, but if I
were in that position, I would like to be freed from the idea of “Spending the
New Year holidays alone is a lonely thing,” rather than being invited to a
special meal or event at a strange place.
I’d take this opportunity, watching Korean
TV dramas throughout the holidays, tell my friends how much I enjoyed it, and
make them jealous.
Usually, being productive means sharing
something fun and interesting with someone close to you.
But as the year-end approaches, I hope we can make a slight change to this idea and let the New Year holidays be a special period, the time that gives you an opportunity to share something fun and interesting with yourself.
Shino Sawaoka
Associate Professor,
Dept. of Health Management,
Tokai University
zt1864@tokai.ac.jp
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