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Back in the days, retired men were often called “wet fallen leaves,”
totally dependent on their wives and following them around all the time like
wet leaves stuck on the ground. That was because they had no roots in their
communities, with no jobs or roles, no hobbies, and no friends. Their wives
were the only ones they could cling to.
As more women work until retirement age lately, we are increasingly
seeing similar phenomena among women as well: They have no places to belong in
their communities after the retirement. Even an experienced gerontology researcher
told me that she had felt lost at her own retirement, asking herself, “Well,
what should I do now?” As I’m also approaching retirement myself, I have yet to
figure out how to spend the next 40 years or so.
But fortunately, I’ve had opportunities to meet some inspirational women,
who’re a few steps ahead of me in life experience and giving me courage to move
forward.
“Well, I’m a break geek,” confessed Ms. S, who opened a bread
baking class three years ago. She had long worked as an instructor of a bread
baking course at a major cooking studio. But the COVID-19 pandemic forced the classes
to be suspended and consolidated. Then, a rumor started spreading in the studio
that more experienced and expensive instructors would be let go, creating an
awkward atmosphere. That was when her colleague, Ms. D, invited her to make a
fresh start together: “I’m thinking about taking this opportunity to open my
own class. Why don’t you join me?” Ms. S declined the offer as her vague plan
was to work part time at a bakery: “Me? No way! I have no experience in running
business.” But Ms. D said she would do all the hard parts, such as finding a place
and an interior contractor. Ms. D also shared her past experience of a serios
illness and told Ms. S that she would like to spend the rest of her life making
herself and others around her happy. Moved by her kind offer and passion, Ms. S
decided to start the class with Ms. D.
Starting the business was no picnic: Some materials didn’t arrive because
of the pandemic, and the right place for the class was hard to find. Despite
these and many other challenges, they managed to open the class in only 1.5
years.
Ms. S and Ms. D have completely opposite personalities. Ms. D likes
to pay attention to details, such as interior design and items they use, while
Ms. S doesn’t care much as long as she can bake bread. These differences create
a nice harmony as they run the business. Their recipes are also quite different
with few overlaps. Ms. D mainly offers seasonal, playful, and unique recipes
while Ms. S likes creative bread shaping and Chinese-style recipes using a
steamer.
Started by only two of them, there was only so much the class could
offer to students. Once the business got on track, they added an instructor for
cake baking and another one for rice bread baking. Later, Ms. D’s mother “Mother
Elizabeth” (ME), who was in her late 80s, also made her debut as an instructor,
teaching how to make fermented food at home. It all started when Ms. D brought
and served pickled scallions and perilla juice between lessons. They were both
made by ME and so delicious that students said they’d like to learn how to make
these. ME agreed to teach but said she’d be available only occasionally because
“I’m quite busy.”
As the program content becomes more diverse, so do students/participants.
They are from all kinds of backgrounds, including elementary school children,
men, older people, homemakers, students, and doctors. Some have never baked
before while others are quite experienced. Without the bread baking class, this
diverse group of people would never have a chance to meet and spend time
together. The class has created a cozy and peaceful space for them, spreading
smiles through the love of bread.
To book a lesson, we usually use the app called Reserva. But we can
individually request one even on an unscheduled day: “We aren’t tech savvy, and
entering information is too much work. We can have a lesson anytime, so just
let us know whenever you like.” Aren’t they flexible or what?
One of the students is Mrs. A, a friend of Ms. D. Having developed
dementia, Mrs. A joined the class with her husband as an alternative to going
to an adult day care center. Ms. D gives her full attention to Mrs. A, who
takes her time to make bread, while Ms. S teaches the class as usual at the
next table without particular explanation on Mrs. A. As her dementia gradually
progresses, she also becomes less capable. But she can keep coming to the class
thanks to her husband, who helps her out while also struggling himself as a
beginner baker. For Mrs. A, every part of this experience, including going out,
using her hands, talking with people, and enjoying the pleasant aroma of her
favorite bread, seems to have a positive effect.
Neither Ms. S nor Ms. D knows much about dementia. But they do have
extensive experience in working with people, which has taught them the
importance of dialogue and helped them unconsciously conduct motivational
interviews.
Their tolerance, openness, and flexibility, embracing everything and
everyone, must have been made possible by aging and maturity.
They make me realize what is important when exploring post-retirement life. Before saying “I don’t know what to do,” we need to ask ourselves “What makes me feel good and comfortable doing?” and have courage to try what we like. Instead of “I can’t do it,” why not say, “Let’s give it a try!” Another key factor is the presence of friends and people who can complement what you don’t have. You may not be able to do what you like if you are all by yourself. But if you work as a group of two or three, your knowledge, energy, and network will also grow. Last but not least, it is critical that we stay curious, never content with the status quo, so that we can nurture and develop what we like. In other words, don’t stop but keep on moving like the present progressive tense “ing.”
Having received these tips from the instructors, who are filled
with smiles and energy, I’m slowly starting to make my own future plan.
<Written by Mamiko Kashima>
★conakucha Instagram：@conakucha
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