Many younger seniors stay active by playing various roles. But as they grow older, they tend to gradually stop engaging in activities.
According to a survey by the Cabinet Office, the
most common reason for not wanting to participate in social activities among
men aged 80+ was “I’m not confident in my health and stamina” (45.5%), followed
by “I have no friends to participate with” (22.7%) and “I find socializing
tiring” (19.7%)*.
As a person and his friends grow older, they may
be losing confidence, facing the fact that they can no longer move around as
they used to, both physically and mentally.
My father used to keep himself busy even after
retirement, serving as president of a facility for people with disabilities,
local welfare commissioner, officer of the neighborhood association and a
senior citizens club, and many more. He had also traveled several times a year,
such as shareholders’ trips and visits to a friend in a different prefecture.
But since my mother started needing care, he
left all of these positions and stopped taking these trips.
It has been five years since the mother passed
away, but he rarely goes out now, except for grocery shopping and doctor’s
appointments.
Whenever I try to take him to dinner or lunch,
he would just say, “I’m fine eating at home.” I almost need to drag him out. Going
to a restaurant, looking at the menu, and choosing dishes seem to be too much
for him.
When I encouraged him to go visit the friend
again, he just gave me a half-hearted answer and never contacted the friend. He
seemed to feel tired just by thinking about what he would need to do throughout
the trip.
The other day, he walked to a nearby supermarket
to buy bread, but came home also with the realization that he was losing his
physical strength. I remember him muttering to himself: “I haven’t walked much
lately. No wonder my legs are getting weaker.”
“How can I find a way to take him out?” As I
struggled to find an answer, the TV showed images of fireflies several times in
a row. The father asked me: “Hmm… are fireflies that beautiful?” What? He had
never seen fireflies? I thought he must have because he had grown up in the
countryside.
“Dad, fireflies are fantastic, fragile, and
graceful beyond words. You can’t describe their beauty without actually seeing
them. You should definitely see them at least once in a lifetime. Okay, let’s
go see them!” I took action immediately.
“The best time to watch fireflies ends around
mid-June in the Kanto region (where I live). A little humid, windless, sunny
day is ideal.” That’s what I found through the internet search. The rainy
season was about to start here in Kanto, so I got to hurry!
I’ve been to places like Shuzenji and Okutama,
but they were too far for a day trip. Any places that’re closer? I searched,
searched… and found it! Hana Biyori, the botanical garden next to the Yomiuri
Land amusement park. The weather forecast said it would be cloudy on the
weekend. Perfect! I got the tickets right away.
We first talked about the fireflies on June 3,
got the tickets on the 5th, and went to Hana Biyori on the 7th. When I invite
the father out, I need to be careful about its timing, not to be too early or
too late. On the evening of the 5th, I told him after dinner when my younger
brother, who would drive us to the garden, came over to the father’s house: “Next
Saturday, all of us in the family will go watch fireflies. I’ve already got the
tickets.”… He didn’t say, “I’m not going.”
On that Saturday, we finished dinner and left
home at 7:00 p.m. It had been a while since the last time any of us went out in
the evening. It’s kind of exciting, feeling like we’re bad boys and bad girls.
On the way to the garden, we passed through the streets familiar to the father,
such as his workplaces in school days and after graduation, which brought back
memories and made him talkative in the car: “This place used to be XX,” “I used
to come here all the time for work,” and “That intersection is also called XX.”
He seemed to be enjoying both the scenery and talking.
We arrived a little earlier than the start time,
so we decided to take a walk in the botanical garden and found a photo spot
decorated with flowers and lights. On impulse, I said to the father, “Let’s
take a picture!” Although he hated having his pictures taken, he agreed to do
it, resulting in one of the very few precious pictures together.
Before we knew it, it was 8:30 p.m., the start
time we booked for. We waited in line at the entrance.
As we walked slowly from the entrance of the
firefly watching area, we soon started seeing faint lights flying around from
the distant grass. With our eyes not quite adjusted to the darkness yet, we had
to squint to see them at first. When the father spotted the very first real
firefly, he didn’t seem too excited as it was too far: “Oh, there it is. It’s
flying.” He stayed behind the other group members, watching the fireflies
quietly.
But as we went further and further, we started
seeing more fireflies. Their lights were flying left and right, up and down so
close to us as if dancing.
“They light up when flying from one leaf to
another,” “Wow, there’re three of them flying over there,” “Look, there’s one
right here.” With his energy level gradually going up, the father started
leaning forward into the grass to watch.
Then, a few fireflies flew so close to the
father that they almost landed on his shoulder. “Wow, they’re here. This way,
this way. They’re so cute, so beautiful.” He was totally enjoying himself.
We spent around an hour there, walking about 3
km up and down the gentle slopes in the dark guided by the fireflies. Although
the father hadn’t done much exercise lately, he completed the 3-km walk as
well.
On the way back, I thought the father would be
so exhausted that he would sleep throughout the drive. I was so wrong. He
couldn’t hold in his excitement and kept talking all the way. When we got home,
he even told the cats, “Guess what, I saw fireflies!”
I was really glad I took him there.
As people grow older, doing something tends to become a pain in the neck. They may feel like going there, seeing it, or eating that right at the moment. But as time passes, they would lose that energy and say, “Well, it’s too much. Why bother?” Maybe that is because they use up all their energy just by carrying out their daily routines. That is fine. Ordinary days are important. But once in a while, don’t they also need some excitement, something that gives them passion and lifts their spirits? It will definitely have some positive effects.
In my father’s case, the firefly watching let
him walk 3 km, enjoy evening with his family, and create the unique and
beautiful memory.
I’m not sure how many more years we have
together, but I want to find what gives him passion through our conversations,
make it come true, and sneak a peek at him whispering to the cats to share his delightful
experience.
<Written by Mamiko Kashima>
*Note: Cabinet Office. “FY2021 Survey on the
Elderly's Daily Lives and Participation in Local Communities.”
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