スキップしてメイン コンテンツに移動

Supporting my fav seniors #10 When he gets his productivity back

My mother, whose dementia is progressing, calls my father on his cell phone over and over although he is in the next room.

She also gets mad at him, insisting that their friend is still alive although that person has actually passed away a few years ago. 

 Several times in this blog, I have shared my father’s conflict as he spends time with her almost every day.

Today, let me share with you a small but significant step forward he has taken.

 Empathy and acceptance are critical, but it’s easier said than done, particularly when you are dealing with your family who is too close to you, physically and emotionally.

The damage these family members get are gradual but definite, just like getting hit with a series of small jabs instead of a huge punch.Having taken these jabs repeatedly, my father started getting angry and tired more easily. His words were getting more and more negative.

His change also made my mother unstable; even his grandchild (in elementary school), who lives with him, became irritated as well….  

I was like, “We got to do something about this!” After some thinking, I started a project to create days for my father to be someone other than a caring husband.

In other words, the project was to create time for him to be with someone or something he had connections with, other than his family, allowing him to objectively look at the situation.

But it wasn’t that easy to do because he didn’t have friends in the neighborhood; nor did he have time or motivation to go out and meet new people.

Above all, since he had firmly believed that he should always stay close to my mother, it seemed unlikely that he would just go out next day for his own fun…

Since the day I came up with the project, I started whispering and casually encouraging him to take a break.

When he said something he shouldn’t have, when he looked depressed as he got more than 50 phone calls from his wife in just a half day, I would whisper to him, “If you keep going like that, you’ll be the one who will break down.”

Then, his behavior started changing…maybe because of my whispering, or because of his own acceptance of the situation.

He now makes time at least once a week to go out with his old friends. He also attended an online reunion, which he used to say was too much trouble, and kept talking even after the scheduled end time.

 In the conversation I overheard during the online reunion, he sounded a bit more energetic than usual.

At the request of his friends, he was talking about his specialty with a happy face, which also made his family happy. .  .

 There sure are certain things that can be done only at home or only by family members. But there must also be something he can get only from somewhere other than home and someone other than his family.

That something is probably peace of mind, allowing him to objectively reexamine the productivity he has lost at home.

 Time to look at yourself from the outside is essential, especially when you feel constrained at home and when you feel burdened by your family role.

Some people feel guilty about leaving family members who need care and enjoying themselves. But my father has taught me that they also need some time to get their productivity back, and it is for the benefit of their families. 



Shino Sawaoka

Associate Professor,

Dept. of Health Management,

Tokai University 

jzt1864@tokai.ac.jp

https://www.tokai-kenko.ac/


コメント

コメントを投稿

このブログの人気の投稿

Cutting-edge Daily Life of Elderly #8 "Longevity Savings"

  The other day, I was shocked to find a name in the obituary posted on the community bulletin board: It was a former classmate of mine in junior high school. It’s got to be some kind of mistake. To double-check, I hurriedly contacted a friend of mine who had gone to the same high school as him. It really was him, the president of the student association back then. He had died of illness. I hadn’t seen him for over 40 years since graduation, and we weren’t particularly close friends. But I can still remember him, a nice guy always with a smile on his face. This experience has made me realize, well, I’m old enough to experience death of my classmates.   In an episode of a TV drama now on air, the main character’s mother was doing “Nagaiki Chokin,” or longevity savings. The mother was a big fan of Rokusuke Ei, a popular actor and writer who had suggested in one of his books that older people could pool money and save it together. Inspired by this idea, the mother did j...
コメントを投稿
続きを読む

Let’s Think About Life with Dementia #3　 “I live alone, but I’m not alone”―A Critical Role of Visiting Nurses

  Many older people like to continue their own way of living even when they live alone with dementia. The key to making it happen, I have always felt, is how supporters can value these older people’s wisdom, which they have built over the years, and their wishes to remain who they are. In March 2025, the Tokyo Metropolitan Geriatric Medical Center published the guidebook titled “Supporting Independence of Older People Living Alone with Dementia: Practice Guide fo r Visiting Nurses.” This guidebook provides a useful checklist and practical tips for visiting nurses who support older people living alone with dementia. I had an opportunity to be part of this research as a committee member.   The checklist was developed based on detailed interviews with visiting nurses, who had extensive experience in supporting older people living alone with dementia, as well as opinions of experts in this area. It summarizes attitudes, perspectives, and support methods emphasized on the front...
コメントを投稿
続きを読む

Cutting-edge Daily Life of Elderly #10 Finding Fireflies… and Passion

Many younger seniors stay active by playing various roles. But as they grow older, they tend to gradually stop engaging in activities. According to a survey by the Cabinet Office, the most common reason for not wanting to participate in social activities among men aged 80+ was “I’m not confident in my health and stamina” (45.5%), followed by “I have no friends to participate with” (22.7%) and “I find socializing tiring” (19.7%) * . As a person and his friends grow older, they may be losing confidence, facing the fact that they can no longer move around as they used to, both physically and mentally.   My father used to keep himself busy even after retirement, serving as president of a facility for people with disabilities, local welfare commissioner, officer of the neighborhood association and a senior citizens club, and many more. He had also traveled several times a year, such as shareholders’ trips and visits to a friend in a different prefecture. But since my mother st...
コメントを投稿
続きを読む