スキップしてメイン コンテンツに移動

Supporting my fav seniors #17　Getting a little revenge with Japanese New Year cuisine “Osechi Ryori”

 Mrs. A: “I should start buying ingredients for Osechi Ryori pretty soon. Stores must be crowded next weekend, and I’d rather avoid that.”

Mrs. B: “Wow, you’re making Osechi yourself? That’s a lot of work to do. How nice of you! It that because you’re having a family gathering?”

 

Mrs. A: “No, we aren’t getting together. But my husband now has no one to visit and enjoy Osechi together for New Year. So I kind of feel sorry for him.”

Mrs. B: “But it sounds like life is much easier now. You no longer need to visit your husband’s parents’ house, helping prepare Osechi and acting as “good daughter-in-law” every minute. What a relief! It must feel as if you were in heaven.”

 

I overheard this conversation with big laughs between two women, probably in their mid-70s, at the sauna of a local gym. They went on and on, talking about how painful it had been as daughter-in-law to visit the husband’s parents’ house for New Year.

 

While listening to this conversation, I noticed that Mrs. A’s words and facial expressions didn’t match.

Her husband’s parents had passed away, meaning no more New Year family gathering on his side. She was saying it’s a pain in the neck to prepare Osechi for the husband, who no longer had a place to visit for New Year. But I could see a bit of happiness on her face.

 

The ladies kept talking about how hard it had been to act as “good daughter-in-law” at their husband’s parents’ house, and how they would like to praise themselves for the 40 years of hard work. As I listened to this conversation, I started thinking about what’s behind the mismatch between Mrs. A’s talk and face.

Maybe, her husband had been totally dependent on his family for social life since the retirement, while Mrs. A had been expanding her own social network since their children grew up and became independent.

 

When the husband’s parents were alive, Mrs. A needed to visit their house, help prepare Osechi, and behave herself as a proper daughter-in-law, feeling irritated with the husband being totally relaxed at his home sweet home, doing nothing but drinking.

But now, she’s the one enjoying life while the husband stays at home alone every day. Could this change have made her smile a bit, feeling something similar to getting revenge?

 

Now that she has more time and feels more relaxed at the end of this year, she may be taking time to prepare beautiful Osechi and serve it to the husband on New Year’s Day, but with a slight sense of superiority.

Preparing Osechi for someone is a wonderful productive activity, but there may be a complex mix of emotions behind the delicious dishes. Mrs. A’s husband may be tasting a touch of bitter revenge in the sweet omelet served in Osechi.



Shino Sawaoka

Associate Professor,

Dept. of Health Management,

Tokai University 

jzt1864@tokai.ac.jp

https://www.tokai-kenko.ac/






コメント

コメントを投稿

このブログの人気の投稿

Cutting-edge Daily Life of Elderly #10 Joining Hands to Exchange Energy

We can now enjoy longevity as we live in the 100-year-life era. People first worked to extend the average life expectancy, and then aimed for longer healthy life expectancy. I would say Japan has now entered the era aiming for longer “engage life expectancy.” What is engage life expectancy? It is the period in which a person can contribute to society and others. Going beyond healthy life expectancy, it refers to how long we can be useful to society throughout our lives.   “We are offering free hand massages today. You’re welcome to try it.” A receptionist told me when I visited a car dealership the other day. Lucky me! I instantly replied, “Yes, please!”   The massage space was set up in a corner of the showroom, with two massage therapists waiting for guests. The one on the right was a young, innocent-looking woman, carefully checking the cosmetic items she’d use for massaging. The one on the left was an older women, looking fully ready to serve and smiling at m...
コメントを投稿
続きを読む

推し活とプロダクティブ＃１５ 社会的処方とプロダクティブ

夏休み、いつもより 80 代の両親と過ごす時間の長い毎日。 慌ただしすぎて気づかなかったこと、一部分しか知らずに深刻さを理解していなかったことを突きつけられる毎日。   ため息ばかりではあるけれど、研究者としては、毎日を追いかけることで新たな発見もあったりする。 その一つが、母が不安定になるとはじまる二つの行動の実態が見えたこと。   母の不安や焦りのサインとも言えるのだけれど、一つ目の行動が、同じ家にいる夫に、ひどい日は 100 回以上も電話をかけ続けること。 留守電にしてる父のスマホには、実家や昔の住まいに「迎えに来てください」のメッセージがたくさん。   これが増えるときに連動しているのが、認知症外来への通院日と一番身近な家族である夫が外出したり zoom などで自分の知らない世界と楽しそうに話した後。 不安だよね … 、漠然とした事実を突きつけられるって、支えだと思っていた人が知らない世界にいるって … 。   もう一つの行動が、何時間も何回も、食器棚や冷蔵庫の整理をすること。 お皿の位置がしょっちゅう変わり、買ったばかりの新玉ねぎが丸ごと冷凍庫に入っていたり、ワタシもイライラしてしまうことも多々だったのだけれど … 。   夏休み、チラチラ観察をした結果、わかったのが、この引き金となるトリガーがあること。 それは、忘れちゃう、無くしちゃう、作りすぎちゃう母に先回りして家族が役割を奪ってしまうこと。   できないでしょ、座っててと部屋の片隅に押しやるのは一番やっちゃいけないこと。 わかってはいるけれど、やっぱり一緒にいる時間が多いほどに難しい … 。   そんな日常で驚くのは、冬の個展に向けて作品の準備をしたり、認知症になったご近所さんを心配をしている時はかっての母に戻ること。 発注済みの額縁屋さんに何度も電話したり、ご近所さんが既に亡くなっていることを忘れていたりというオチはあるのだけれど … 。   元気な時よりも、弱ってきた時ほどに、役割を持っていると感じられることって大事。 それを家族だってわかっちゃいるけれど、余裕もないし、ストレスで自分が助けてもらいたい位の状況だったりも...
コメントを投稿
続きを読む

Supporting my fav seniors #15 Social prescribing is being productive

Since the summer break started, I’ve been spending more time than usual with my parents, both in their 80s. Every day, this longer time together makes me realize what I failed to notice, or to understand how serious things were getting, when I was too busy with work and everything else.   Though I keep sighing over this reality, as a researcher, I can also discover new things by keeping track of the new daily routine. One of the discoveries is the signs my mother starts showing when she becomes agitated.   To be more specific, she would start doing two things. One of them is calling her husband (my father) over and over, as many as 100 times on a bad day, although he is at home. This can be a sign of her insecurity and anxiety. His cell phone is filled with voicemails from his wife saying, “Please come pick me up” at her old home.   What I’ve noticed is that she would often leave this message on two occasions:   when she needs to go to memory clinic...
コメントを投稿
続きを読む